Tragic's Wake

One night when I was about three or four, my daddy tucked me into bed like he did every night. He sang me a little song, I can’t recall if it was one of his fishing songs or if it was Johnny Cash but such is time and my memory, it drains like a sieve sometimes. While Daddy was singing to me though, I remember these odd little skittery shuffling sounds. I tried to point them out to Daddy but every time we were quiet, the sounds would stop. Daddy would go back into his song and stroke my hair and forehead and the sounds would start again. Daddy thought I was crazy, I thought he was just being an old because ya know, olds can’t hear or see monsters, eh? 

So Daddy said goodnight and went back to his TV show and left me to sleep. I almost was too because the sounds had stopped for a bit so I thought that maybe, juuust maybe, the monsters had tired of waiting and left to find some other little girl to torment. Oh I couldn’t have been more wrong. Just as I was feeling comfortable and safe, I decided to roll over and can you guess what happened?

SNAG! TAP-TAP-SNAG!

My toes were under attack! Now maybe it’s my own fault, I guess I make perfect monster bait because you see, even to this day, I can’t stand to have my feet covered when I’m in bed. My juicy little piggies were ripe for the plucking and the monsters were honnnnngry…

I screamed and quickly curled my wee legs up to my chest and Daddy came running. I told him that the monsters were going to eat me, they were going to eat my poor little feet and then I’d never be able to run again! My shoes would all go to the Salvation Army, oh my pretty little unworn shoes..

Daddy laughed. He told me that monsters weren’t real and I wanted to believe him, he said it was all in my head, maybe I shouldn’t have eaten so close to bedtime, maybe my imagination was running wild. I wanted to believe my Daddy but those baby feet eaters sure felt real to me! Snagging on my blankies and nipping at my tiny toesies..

So once again dearest Daddy kissed me goodnight, smoothed my hair, retucked my blankets and went back to his TV show.  I snuggled in deeper and started to fade off a bit, I rolled over and pulled my stuffed giraffe close, and then what?

SNAG! TAP-TAP-SNAG!

Again! The monsters had never left, they were just playing quiet to trick me and to make my Daddy think I was crazy! They were going to eat my little feet all up and nobody would believe me and what was I going to do but  …. SCREAM!!! And Daddy comes flying in, this time showing an acceptable amount of frustration.

“There are no monsters in this room Jeannie, you need to go to sleep!”

“Please Daddy, they’re trying to eat my feets, the monsters are trying to eat my toes!”

So Daddy turned on my night lamp, pulled back the curtain, shuffled  the dresser drawers, slid the closet door open and closed and last but not least, he bent down and peeked under my bed. Know what he found? Mhmm, nothing. Absolutely nothing, anywhere. No monsters, no trace of monsters. Not a single one in the whole room.

Back through the whole process all over again, he tucked me in, kissed me goodnight, blah-blah, turned off my light and went back to his show.  So I gave up, snuggled down in the blankets, determined not to doze, or roll, or twitch, not to move at all. And… I started to fade off. And … I rolled over.  And…

SNAG! TAP-TAP-SNAG!

I SCREAMED! And I screamed and I screamed and ohmigod it wasn’t letting go this time, it had me! It had my wee juicy little toe and it was going to eat it and maybe it would still be hungry and it would then eat my ankle and then my leg and daddy daddy daddydaddydaddy HELP ME!!!

My poor tired Daddy came rushing in again and flipped the switch for the ceiling light as quickly as he entered, the room was suddenly filled with blinding light and my Daddy started to laugh. He laughed loudly and then breathlessly and I was so stunned I couldn’t say a thing, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t think!

And he pointed, and I looked.

Kittens. Kittens? Oh yeah, we had kittens, and they love juicy wiggly little baby feets, especially under a nice twitchy wool blankie. The only thing is, sometimes little kitten claws get stuck in twitchy wool blankies and that, my friends, is almost certainly a monster’s undoing.

And there you have the true eternal tale of the twitchy blankie relentless baby feet eaters. Enjoy.

3 Responses to “I Survived the Baby Feet Eaters.”