Tragic's Wake

Today is Friday. I have six days left until the biggest day of my entire life. I am very justified in calling it that too. Whatever happens that day determines the rest of my life and even if I’ll have a ‘rest of my life‘ to contemplate. I’m nervous, of course. I’m also quite confident in my team and the records of both my main GI doctor and my surgeon. I’ve been doing a fair bit of research on the surgeon of late, I already stalked the hell out of the GI doc shortly after I met him and I’d already long ago confirmed that he’s good. The stuff I’m finding on my surgeon blows my mind though. She’s got some kinda magic because absolutely nobody has a bad thing to say about her anywhere among bastions of patients and/or colleagues.

Even with Dr G, I found the odd bitter troll who grumbled about his bedside manner (he’s not a dick, he just gets to the point, very little smalltalk and no sugar-coating) or his extreme caution with doling out the pills. The few complaints I found regarding Dr G were nonsensical, badly spelled foolishness from someone who didn’t even seem to know what condition they had let alone who Dr G was or if he’d ever actually even treated them. There’s always that guy who complains about every little thing just for the sake of complaining too.. Watch out for him, he’s an epic tool and thats epic craptastic, not epic awesomesauce.

Yeah, trolls DO crawl around the innerwebs bitching about doctors they’ve never met and some trolls in meatspace carry that shit too, for the sake of gratifying themselves and scaring the crap out of others. It’s cruel and shit but what can you do? I don’t put any stock into a review for anything unless its well articulated and at least semi knowledgeable.  I also gather intelligence from people I know face to face (friends, relatives)  as well as people who may have crossed paths in their work; nurses, aides, residents, housekeeping, etc.

So I searched high and low for word on Dr A. I searched the web, I spoke to nurses that I’ve been friends with through the maintenance of my disease, radiology techs, even just people who have passed her in the halls. I’ve randomly heard her name half a dozen times and every time it’s all sunshine. People can’t say enough good about her. I’ve also discovered that much like my current GI: Dr A’s track record is exemplary both in therapeutic practice and on a personal level. She does her job, does it well, and leaves you feeling like she really gives a crap too.

I have the utmost of confidence that she will do all she can, all that is within her power, to bring me through this next leg of my journey and then back safely to home base. I truly feel that if something does go wrong; it’s through no fault of my medical team but simply an event which was already meant to be. I do have Faith, in my team and in my Guardians.

It’s been a lot of years since I felt this way. For a lot of years now passed, I believed that perhaps the Fates had left me to my own devices. I felt that nothing would ever change, that I was destined to simply be ignored as I repeatedly cried out for help in the dark of the night. I felt that nobody would ever hear me and those who did either couldn’t or wouldn’t help. I felt that I’d been abandoned, completely forsaken.

I don’t feel that right now. I feel at peace, more at peace than I’ve ever felt. I feel that everything is finally aligned in the way that it needs to stand. I feel that everything is right where it’s meant to be.  No matter what happens; I know that this is the proper order of things and I’m OK with that. Que sera, sera. whatever will be, will be.

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